You have those days where you say to yourself " I should have did it this way, or I should have done that instead of that?"
I have those days almost everyday. WHY, I have no idea, I guess I am always second guessing myself, it is probably a self esteem down fall brought on from my early years.
You see I have never been pretty like the other girl. I have always had a weight problem not like that girl that had an hour glass shape and all the boys with it. I did not have my first boy friend til I was in my 20's, and because of that I chose the "wrong" guy and thought I was "In Love" when I was actually "In Lust"...and then of course that brought on the biggest "Should Have" in my life....MY life after that was never the same, and brought down the self esteem even more. I would blame all that was not right in my life on that time of my life that I "grew up".....It was not a pleasant place to grow up, and not a way to grow up, but I did. Now that I am past that time in my life, I look back and realize that it was all in the "blueprint" of my life, and had to be gone through to bring me to the person I am today. It does cause me to not trust, and of course the second guessing of myself. BUT it also taught me that there is a reason for everything, and that no matter how much I "think" I can not do it, I really can.
I am still not the pretty girl or the skinny girl.....BUT I am me and I will always be ME.....what you see is what you get, and I do not put on a show for anyone, I WILL tell you how it is (may take some time, but I will) I WILL stand by you no matter what (Just may be from afar) if I say I will do something I will (just may take some time)
I hope that with my life of "should have" that I can help my children in their lives...that they do not have so many of those "should haves" and that they take life for what it is and learn from their experiences and decisions, and not always second guess themselves.
Hug the ones you love (and tell them you do) and pray for those you don't..............
4 comments:
STOP IT with the should haves. Don't even THINK about what if....you don't KNow what if, you know what you THINK would have happened IF.....
Been there
Done that.
Trust me (from one non truster to another, that's funny!) The faster you break that habit, the happier you will be. We only can concern ourselves with "what now" or "what do I do from here" okay?!?!?!?!?!?
It's Februray. Spring is going to come (or so they say) then we'll be able to get outside and our minds won't have so much time to spin around.
If I'm here, then you have to conclude that I think you're worth something. Cos that's how I'm made up. Now, go crochet something for a charity. Put it away for a day you can send it. Or make something for someone who is cold at Brooke's school. Heck, I'm sure they need stuff for their mitten/scarf box. Something, ANYTHING. Why? Cos I know how you feel. Until I find another way around it...... there ya go.
Each person on this earth has a purpose and though we may not know what it is time will tell all. I never felt pretty either and always had a weight problem too. But you know what looking over the fence and saying the grass is greener is not the way to happiness and on top of that, the grass we see as greener is also full of weeds but we don't see them because we are dreaming of what we wish to see not what is really there. You are a beautiful person and have much love to share. Ask your kids what they think about you. I bet you will be surprised. They look though eyes of love and kids pull no punches. they have not gained the ability yet to be diplomatic. You are a wonderful person.
Not sure what brought that on Wendy, but like you my life started with a bunch of BAD choices and low self esteem... BUT when I look in the mirror now I try to see what God sees and what God loves and what God made. God doesn't make mistakes, my friend.
See Wendy, A lot of your friends know exactly how you are feeling. It is good to get those feeling out because thinking like that can really bring you down. Oh how I know. No beauty queen here either but we are made in God's image and He knows what He is doing. After many years of mistakes, (I am 64) which God brought me though...I finally get it! What He has done to our hearts is definitely what life is all about and you have a huge one.
I am so blessed to call you my friend and Wendy, in my book "You are the Best"
Lots of Hugs.....now hugs your kids, thank God and get crafting.
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