Some things

Some things in life are so dang hard to do. I am sitting her and it is not even 7:00 a.m. I am trying to figure out how to do things. How will I come up with the words or will it all just blurt out in a jumble of words and make me sound like a cold hearted bitch who does not care. How do you tell your husband enough is enough and that he has one week to do something or you and the kids are outta here. How do you wake someone up, that has been sleeping for so long and just has no clue.

That is all actually easy the hard part is tearing out your own heart and shattering your children's lives. What else am I to do, sit here and continually not know from one minute to the next if we will have a place to live, or if the kids will have what they need. The land lord said just the other day, you have til November 1st. Well here is is October 5th. And Not a thing has been done. NOTHING.....

What is his problem, does he want us to be on the streets, does he just not get it. How can he even look at his children. Right now my thoughts are that he can not even call himself a father, because a father would do what ever it takes to make sure his children are taken care of, that they have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs.

Is it all just a game for him? Where did things go wrong? When did he lose his sense of responsibility? What is he thinking, that he can just sit back and wait? I don't care how miserable a person may be, when you have children you work to take care of those children, no matter if it is the kind of work you want or not. You just do it, and pray that something better comes along.

I don't know where me and the kids will go. I will figure that out in the days ahead. I have to figure out what to do with our stuff, clothes, toys, yarn, memorabilia. I need to get all the pictures off the computers so that I have them, I need to go through things and decide what to do with, whether leave it or trash it or take it, wherever this all takes us. I need to find a home for the animals. You see I need to do all these things because I just do not think that no matter what I tell Jack, he will not wake up til we are out the door. When I walk out that door with my babies we will not be back.

I have no money to even think of putting things in storage, so whatever I do decide to keep I will see if my mom can store for me. I will not be going to my parents, because I have already been told that Jack can not come back, so my standing is that they are making me choose, between a home for my children and my husband, and NO ONE is going to make that choice for me. SO we will not be going there. We will probably end up in a shelter, and I will be looking for work. The kids education needs will have to be put on hold. BUT what else am I to do. Go through all this or let us truly become homeless and on the streets.

So I have a lot to do and a lot to say, and it is going to be the hardest time in my life, But I am a mom and I have 2 precious angels to take care of and think about.

You see I have been asking for answers for forever and I think I have finally woke up and realized that I have had those answers all along, I just need to act upon them, and things will be alright. It will be hard but we will be fine and we will make it through it all.

I can not see through the tears very well anymore, so I am going to hit post on this, and lay back down for awhile, at least til the kids wake up in an hour.