Maybe one day..........

TAKEN THIS EVENING AFTER HIS BATH...HE IS ALL NICE AND FLUFFY AND SMELLS SOOOO GOOD......

Maybe one day I will learn to knit socks........Maybe one day I will actually be able to knit a beautiful sweater...........Maybe one day I will actually get to sit and craft (again) for more than an hour....
Maybe one day I will figure out what I am doing and why......Maybe one day all will be right in my life and I will not be so confused about what to do.............

I have been pondering stuff all day and blowing up at certain people (mainly in my head and thoughts) I just can not figure out some things, and why some people do what they do...knowing what the consequences will be......But then again, do they know me well enough now to know that I probably will not stick to my guns and follow through....OR is there really a problem this time and not just some kind of plow to get out of doing what needs to be done....Then of course I will feel total guilt for my thoughts and judgements....





Jack has been having a problem for weeks now...He of course is thinking the worse...and of course that makes matters worse. Well then he started with other problems....SO today he went to the clinic and they checked him out and told him that he needs to call his doctor first thing in the morning and get in to see him....SO what does the (lets try to be nice about this now) man do, he calls his work (dispatch) and tells them he has to go to the doctors, he was not going out probably until Wednesday, or they would have called him earlier and told him where his next trip was. Is he just making himself sick to get out of work...Or is he really sick and I have just heard all the bull before and so I can not let myself not think negatively.....His dad had colon cancer so now he thinks that because he has the runs and had them for weeks that he has it.....and all he talks about is a colonoscopy, like he really wants to get one done.....Then 3 days ago he decides to call me, while he was out on a run, and tell me he thinks he has had a heart attack, because his chest hurts and his arm hurts.....I told him and so did his sister that he was probably having and anxiety attack...SO now it is on my shoulders if he is out and has a heart attack...WELL it is now 3 days later and he is still here.....Yesterday there was not one word of being sick, or pains or anything...BUT as soon as today rolls around (and the possibility of going on a run) he is dizzy and having chest pains again......I just do not know what to think or do...





I have told him that this is it......that if he does not stay with this job, or until he at least has another one, that the kids and me are gone.....I can not do it anymore...I can not do it to my kids anymore...My God...they do without so much and need clothes and beds and security.....and is he putting all that on the line because he is not wanting to be gone for a week....I have told him what my thoughts are. AND then I sit here and am sick thinking that there could really be something wrong and that I could lose him, and I have been so insensitive......





Things have been just so crazy, I hardly have time for myself, and to just sit and rejuvenate by crocheting or knitting...I also am a little burned out from them...BUT when I want to do something I do not get that time.....My blog has been neglected because by the time I can sit and post, I just do not feel like it....To top everything off it is now August and that makes it just that much closer to the 18th and Williams neurologist appointment and the 28th appointment for Brooke and William to see the eye muscle specialist......Then next month starts school and Brooke will be going 4 days a week with me having to run here to and from...and William will be starting his speech therapy 2 days a week...I do not have any idea when he will be going (will find out the 14th) and how in the world I will be in 2 places at once....My mom will just have to step up to the plate and if need be pick Brooke u from school....there is nothing else I can do...they both need the services and I will not let one suffer for lack of only one me.





Benji is such a good dog, even when I give the poor baby a bath and soak his face to get him cleaned....he gets all frisky after and plays up a storm...The cats are better, but after swatting the poor dog for no reason, he is afraid of them, and even though they want to play, he runs the other way....


I have yet to make any jam...have the raspberries and blackberries in the freezer, just can not find the right amount of time to do them....I did get some zucchini bread made...9 mini loaves....Soon, before I am ready, the grapes will be getting ripe, and I will be picking them...I will not be able to just throw them in the freezer, I will at least have to make juice and freeze that....Maybe one of these days my days will grow longer or I will clone myself and get everything done....





I have managed to make 16 (10 inch) squares so that leaves me with 9 to go..I do not have any pictures of the new ones,,,but will try to get them on in the next couple of days....I also still have 3 of the felted bags to do...and to finish my black cherry shrug/shawl.....not counting the cotton squares..............Maybe one day...........

Hope you all had a blessed weekend....I do believe I am going to work on something for a few, and then call it a night......

Hug the ones you love and pray for those you don't............