Don't shoot me.....

OK now I know I have been lax on the posting yet again...but please don't shoot me.....LOL...

Just so much is going on and some days I have a hard time deciding what end is up....

I just finished up a baby set for Jacks' cousin who is due in the first part of January...Her shower is on Saturday, and even though it is in Livonia, about 1 1/2 hour drive, we are going.....It is at Mama Mia's ......No idea what kind of a restaurant it is, but will find out then....

I am having a little struggle keeping my grades up to par....of course I have probably set way too high of a goal for myself with wanting all classes to have an A.....BUT that is what I want so that is what I am struggling to do... I am so upset that I may not be able to attend classes in the Winter, with not having enough money in my grant....I am trying different resources, and hope that I can come up with the approximately $800 to finish paying the tuition and books.....Here I already registered for them, and saw that it was $1844, and I only have $1504.......I need only 7 classes to get my degree, and was able to sign up for 3 of those classes...PLUS take the second American Sign Language class....It was such a disappointment.....here I am trying to educate myself to be able to get a job, and yet again I have been knocked down....BUT I bounce back and have done so under much worse cases, so I will just fight, and hunt and hope and PRAY for the best and see if there is another reason for this set back....

I have been asked to join in on a Parent Council for Brooke's school for Title 1 federal funding, the information meeting is set for tomorrow, so I will be attending that before I go to Psychology class.....I am VERY interested in being a part of it..

I have also checked into an alternative to Head Start for William, since he will not be getting home visits or classroom sessions until probably the middle of December, due to them moving, I am VERY disappointed in the whole program this year....I know that they can do better and for some reason they are not meeting up to my standards and theirs.....I do not know what kind of changes have taken place that has totally caused them to be lacking, this year, but I do know that I am not a happy parent...My son is suffering because of it...How do you tell him he can not go to school, when the child wants to go so badly, and cries his little heart out, because Momma will not take him....because there is no school.....

I have a few people I would like to say HI to, and I am so sorry that I have not visited your blogs in forever, and have been just a little out of touch...BUT I do want you all to know that I think of you VERY often and miss you and maybe I can get my butt in gear and do some visiting....

Ghost I did catch a glimpse of the little preview on your blog, from following you, and I hope you have settle in from your return from Scarlet's....Sandy so sorry I have not stopped by to see what you are up to...Hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself....Scarlet sure hope you enjoyed your visit with your sister....Jennifer, have yet to check out the new patterns, but I know that they are great as are all of your patterns....Linda, I so miss our nightly chats....Hope you are doing well with work...Katie...I so miss our chats on the phone and here, Hope you are enjoying your life and new love...You deserve the best.....try to stay warm and safe this winter.....BRrrrr...

I will have some pictures to share, tomorrow, I have them on my flash drive to load at school, there is no way to get pictures from this Internet (If you can call it that at times) I do not even get to check out Ravelry, Facebook, and such, cause it takes coon ages to load pages and I get SOoo frustrated that I give up....We are still checking into getting faster Internet, but not much is available here, unless you want to pay an arm and a leg to get satellite, and then monthly fees that are outrages.....

The pictures that I will be sharing are from the kids carving their pumpkins, Brooke's field trip to Blakes Apple Orchard (that I got to attend with her) Then also of the kids on their Merchant trick or treat walks through Lapeer and Imlay City....Brooke was Tinker Bell and William was Thomas the Train............

Both of the kids are doing well, and getting so big...there are days that I look at them and take step back, because I swear they grew another inch over night, or their faces have changed yet again....some days I look at them, and find it hard to remember what they looked like as babies...then I just throw in a CD and go through old pictures, and CRY, cause my babies are growing up so fast, and I am having a hard time keeping up with them....I want to cherish EVERY moment, and yet seem to miss so many....

I know that I am blessed to have them in my life....to have God trust me to care for them and bring them up the right way, and teach them and LOVE them.......Then I have the down times where I feel as if I am not fit to be their mother, because look at all they have gone through in the past 4 years...they deserve so much better.....and right now I just can not provide that for them.....Brooke's teacher made a comment that just about broke my heart, she said that Brooke is so unsure of her abilities and just clams up and expects so much of herself...yet her teacher knows that I do not, and that I "Lift" her up and encourage her at all times, then I sit back and think, it is probably all due to the fact that we have moved 3 times in 3 years, she has no real security.....and it all due to Jack and myself...her insecurities should not be her crutch, yet how else is the child to be, when she has not had much of a secure life...Sure she has ALL my love and support....my comfort and my security, but that is not enough for a child...they need to know that they will have a bed of their own, that their dog is not going to be sent away, because you can not take them with you, they need to have a home of their own, not someone else basement...they need to know that when they need something like clothes or winter boots, that momma and daddy can provide them with them....not sit there and wonder how in the world they are going to get them.....SO maybe I need to focus more on my children and giving them as much security as I can, to make up for the security that I can not provide them with right now....
Maybe that is why they both love school, it is "security".

OK now I need to get off here and go cry, since I have surfaced all these thoughts, and insecurities of my own.......

I hope you are all doing well and staying safe..............

Hug the ones you love and pray for those you don't....................