I decided today to check out how much money was left in the bank........Not a good way to start the morning, because now I am sick to my stomach and not in a very good mood...I am going to say lets get rid of the stuff called money and we will now have to buy goods and services with our merit, good will and skills. I would be "rich" then....Let me put it this way about the amount of money left in the bank....It will buy the kids a few presents for Christmas, and that is it....Now for Williams birthday, well do you think a 2 yr old would realize that he did not have a "birthday" Do you think I could just skip it this year and pretend it never happened. We can not skip Christmas, because after all this talk to Brooke about being nice and good or Santa won't come to visit, the child would think she did something terribly wrong, for Santa not to leave her anything under OUR tree. We have been talking a lot to her about what Christmas is really about The Birth Of Jesus, but then again she is only 3 so we also get into the Santa thing. I think since I have banned "money" I will now get rid of Holidays and all the grief that comes with them. Maybe Jehovah Witnesses have a good thing going. My kids will be getting from other people this year as always, but it just tears my heart to pieces to know that something is terribly wrong with the picture and that what little will be under the tree will not even actually be from us. It will be due to the generosity of a very kind and giving couple from far away. Damn.....the tears have started and won't stop, again.......OK now to stop them before the kids come around the corner and see their momma blubbering like a baby....(I could always tell Brooke that I squished my finger)
We actually had a very good time at the Family Christmas party yesterday....The only bad thing about it was my dad was not there. He was home, because he still did not feel very well and the medicine they gave him to stop the dizziness makes him really tired. He said that he felt drunk....He insisted that we all still go and that we were not to leave, until it was time, because he did not want his Grand kids to miss out. So we all stayed until others started to leave, then we all went to the house so the kids could show Pappa what Santa had given them. He basically dozed in his chair but did enjoy all his grand kids a little here and there. William was not liking the Santa guy at all....He just totally freaked, and we got pictures of him near Santa Screaming... Brooke, now she was just not to sure of him, but she at least did not scream..Only after she opened her Doctor Kit, did she decide that he was not that bad, and posed next to him, with her opened present......
It seems that when we go somewhere, I am the only parent that thinks about the kids, and always take a bag of toys....When I was packing up the toys, Brooke asked why I was taking so many, I informed her that "her Boys" (my nephews, as she calls them) would be there and they would not have any toys, so I had to take enough for all of them, or someone would not have a toy to play with. As you can see, I was right and and they all had a great time on the floor playing together. No matter what my differences are with my brother and especially his girlfriend, The kids will always know each other and I will always make sure they have time together..My motto is "why should the kids suffer" because we adults are having a problem.
Well after looking at the pictures of yesterday, I am feeling a little better....But as usual, that will not last long.....But I will get through this and no matter what, my kids will not suffer........
Hope everyone has a blessed day....................
3 comments:
Wendy - you have given your kids the greatest gift ever that cannot be under the tree....you give them you. If you worked, you could put a little under the tree, but look at what the sacrifice is.....all that time and love with you. I know it tears your heart out, but woman, thank God it does!!!! They have you, your time, your attention and your love. That's the bestest gift ever.
Wendy - you are teaching your kids that love is not defined by gifts and material things. Your kids love you... I have seen it!! Not getting toys they don't really 'need' is not going to change that!! Hang in there... It will get better... Have faith... Love, KO
Jehovah will give you all that you need. Stop the worry and put it in his hands. I know how hard it is to be broke at the holiday season.
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